Most people hear words. Great salespeople listen for what's NOT being said. And women? We've been trained to do this since we were kids.
Think about the last time someone told you they were "fine" but you knew they weren't.
You picked up on their tone. Their body language. The pause before they answered. You read between the lines.
That's not just intuition—that's a skill. And it's the same skill that wins deals.
Hearing
Waiting for your turn to talk. Thinking about your response while they're still speaking. Focusing on the words they're saying without tuning in to what's underneath.
"I hear you saying X, so I'm going to tell you Y."
Listening
Tuning in to what they're actually saying AND what they're NOT. Asking strategic follow-up questions. Understanding the problem before offering a solution.
"Can you tell me a little bit more about your project or what you're experiencing?"
A prospect says: "We're looking at a few different options."
❌ Hearing (what I used to do):
Jump straight into a pitch about why the company is better than the competition. Talk about features, pricing, delivery times.
✅ Listening (what actually works):
Ask: "What's driving the need for this right now? Is there a specific problem you're trying to solve, or are you planning ahead?"
Now I'm not pitching. I'm diagnosing. And what they say next tells me everything I need to know about how to position our solution.
What happened when I started actually listening:
A hospital called looking for security guard booths. Instead of immediately pitching, I asked: "What's driving the need for this right now?"
They told me they'd had multiple car break-ins in their employee parking lot. Staff didn't feel safe walking to their cars at night.
Suddenly, this wasn't about features or price. This was about solving a real, urgent problem. I adjusted my entire approach to focus on safety and peace of mind—and we won a six-figure contract.
Your friend says: "I'm thinking about quitting my job."
Hearing: "Oh wow, really? That's a big decision!"
Listening: "What's going on? Is it the job itself, or something specific that happened?"
Your kid says: "I don't want to go to school."
Hearing: "Too bad, you're going."
Listening: "What's going on? Did something happen?"
A client says: "I need to think about it."
Hearing: Push harder with more reasons why they should buy now.
Listening: "That makes sense. Is there something specific you're unsure about, or is it more about timing?"
The skill isn't hearing what people say.
The skill is understanding what they actually mean—and asking the right follow-up questions.
We've been conditioned to read people, anticipate needs, manage emotions, and pick up on subtext. We do this with our kids, our partners, our friends, our coworkers.
In sales, this is called "discovery." And you're already an expert. You just need to learn how to do it on purpose—with strategy behind it.
Action Step:
This week, in every conversation you have, practice listening for what's underneath what someone is saying.
What are they not saying? What are they actually asking for? What's the real problem?
Next up: Empathy—and why it's your competitive advantage.
Okay, so you know listening matters. But how do you actually do it consistently, especially in a sales conversation when your brain is racing with things you want to say? I created a framework I use every single time I'm on a call. I call it PAUSE.
P — Pause Before Responding
When someone finishes speaking, take a breath. Count to two. This tiny gap does two powerful things: it shows the other person you're actually considering what they said, and it gives your brain time to process instead of react. I know it feels awkward at first. Trust me, it reads as confidence to the person on the other end.
In my early days, I used to jump in the second someone stopped talking. I thought speed = competence. Wrong. Speed = you weren't listening.
A — Ask Clarifying Questions
Before you respond with your thoughts, ask at least one clarifying question. Something like: "When you say your current setup isn't working, can you walk me through what that looks like day to day?" or "Help me understand what you mean by 'not efficient enough.'"
Clarifying questions are not about gathering more data. They're about showing the other person that you care enough to understand them fully before you offer anything.
U — Understand the Emotion Behind the Words
This is where your natural skills as a woman really shine. Behind every business problem is a human feeling. Frustration. Fear. Pressure from a boss. Embarrassment about a past decision. When a prospect says, "We've been burned before by vendors," what they're really saying is, "I'm scared to trust again."
You don't need to name the emotion out loud. But you need to hear it, because it tells you how to respond in a way that actually lands.
S — Summarize What You Heard
Before you move on or offer a solution, reflect back what they told you. "So if I'm hearing you right, the main issue is that your team is spending too much time on manual processes, and it's creating bottlenecks before the end of each quarter. Is that right?"
This is the single most powerful thing you can do in a sales conversation. When someone feels accurately understood, their guard drops. They lean in. They trust you. And they didn't even realize it happened.
E — Explore Deeper
Once you've confirmed your understanding, go one layer deeper. "You mentioned the bottleneck happens at end of quarter—has that caused any issues with hitting your targets?" or "How long has this been going on?"
Most salespeople stop at the surface level. They hear the first problem and start pitching. But the first problem is rarely the real problem. The real problem is two or three questions deeper. That's where the gold is.
Real Talk from Katherine:
I didn't learn PAUSE from a textbook. I learned it from messing up. I lost a deal once because I was so eager to pitch our product that I completely missed the fact that the prospect had already decided to go with a competitor—they were just being polite by taking my call. If I had paused and listened, I would have heard the hesitation in their voice. I would have asked better follow-ups. And I could have either uncovered a real opportunity or saved myself 45 minutes. Now I PAUSE in every single conversation. It changed everything.
Even when you know listening matters, there are sneaky ways your brain pulls you out of it. Here are the five biggest traps I've seen (and fallen into myself). Knowing them is half the battle.
Trap #1: Planning Your Response
This is the most common one. While they're talking, you're already thinking about what you're going to say next. You're mentally rehearsing your pitch, your rebuttal, your clever transition. The problem? You just missed the last three sentences.
Real scenario: A prospect is telling you about their budget concerns, but you're already crafting your "here's why we're worth it" speech. They mention that their CEO just cut all discretionary spending—a critical detail—but you missed it because you were in your own head. Now your "value pitch" lands flat because it doesn't address the real constraint.
Trap #2: Making Assumptions
You hear the first few words and think you know where they're going. So you stop really listening and start filling in the blanks yourself. This is dangerous because it means you're responding to the conversation you think you're having, not the one that's actually happening.
Real scenario: A prospect says, "We've looked at solutions like this before..." You assume they're about to say "...and they didn't work." But what they were actually going to say was "...and we loved the concept but the timing wasn't right. Now it is." Two completely different conversations. Your assumption could cost you the deal.
Trap #3: Getting Distracted by Details
Someone mentions a specific number, a name, a technical term—and your brain latches onto it. You start thinking about that one detail while the big picture keeps flowing right past you.
Real scenario: A prospect says, "We have 47 locations across 12 states, and what we really need is a partner who understands seasonal demand fluctuations." You get stuck on "47 locations, 12 states"—mentally calculating logistics—while they move on to explaining the actual need. You miss the core problem because you were doing math.
Trap #4: Emotional Reactions
They say something that triggers a feeling in you—frustration, excitement, defensiveness—and suddenly you're focused on your own emotional response instead of their words.
Real scenario: A prospect says, "Your competitor offered us 30% less." You feel a flash of irritation. Your brain goes into defense mode. Meanwhile, they're continuing: "...but we weren't confident in their follow-through, which is why we're talking to you." You were so busy reacting to the price comment that you missed the part where they literally told you how to win the deal.
Trap #5: Interrupting
Sometimes it comes from excitement. Sometimes from impatience. Either way, cutting someone off sends a clear message: what I have to say is more important than what you're telling me. Even if that's not what you mean, that's how it feels.
Real scenario: A prospect starts describing a problem and halfway through, you realize you have the perfect solution. You jump in with, "Oh, we can totally fix that!" You meant to be helpful. But they weren't done. They had two more layers to their problem, and now they feel unheard. Trust just took a hit.
Here's a simple but surprisingly powerful exercise you can do today. No sales call needed.
How it works:
In your next real conversation—with a friend, your partner, a family member, anyone—after they say something, wait a full 30 seconds before you respond. Not awkward silence. Thoughtful silence. You can nod. You can make eye contact. But don't speak.
Here's what you'll notice: people keep talking. They go deeper. They share things they wouldn't have shared if you'd jumped in right away. That extra space gives them permission to be honest.
After the 30 seconds, respond with a summary of what you heard: "It sounds like you're saying..." or "So the main thing is..." Watch their reaction. Nine times out of ten, they'll say something like, "Yes, exactly!" That's the feeling you want your prospects to have.
Do this three times this week. Once with someone you're close to, once with an acquaintance, and once in a professional setting if you can. Notice how each conversation changes when you give the other person more space.
Real Talk from Katherine:
The first time I tried The Silent 30 was with my sister. She was telling me about a problem at work, and instead of jumping in with advice (my usual move), I just... waited. She paused. Then she said, "Actually, you know what the real problem is?" and told me something completely different from what she'd started with. The surface problem wasn't the real problem. It never is. And I never would have heard it if I hadn't given her those extra seconds. That's when I realized: silence isn't empty. It's full of information you'll miss if you're talking.
The 48-Hour Listening Challenge
For the next two days, in every conversation—with your kids, your partner, a coworker, a friend—ask yourself one question before you respond: “What is this person actually trying to tell me?”
Notice tone
What does their voice tell you beyond their words?
Notice pauses
Where do they hesitate? What’s hard to say?
Ask follow-ups
“Tell me more.” “What’s driving that?” “How long has that been going on?”
This is active listening. In two days it’ll already feel more natural—and you’ll be practicing the most important skill in sales without being anywhere near a sales call.
What you just learned shows up differently depending on which sales path you're exploring. Click your path to see how this applies to you specifically.
In B2B sales, listening isn't just about hearing what one person tells you—it's about hearing what the entire organization is trying to say. You're rarely dealing with a single decision-maker. There's a procurement manager who cares about cost, a department head who cares about functionality, and a C-suite executive who cares about strategic impact. Each person tells you something different, and your job is to listen across all of those conversations and piece together the full picture.
The biggest listening skill in B2B is hearing what the procurement manager ISN'T saying. When they say, "We need to stay within budget," what they might really mean is, "My boss will reject this if it's over a certain number, and I don't want to look bad." When a VP says, "We're evaluating several vendors," they might actually be saying, "I already have a favorite, but I need to go through the motions." Listening for the subtext tells you where you actually stand.
You also need to understand the difference between organizational pain and individual pain. The company might have a problem with efficiency. But the person you're talking to might have a personal pain point: they're the one staying late every night to compensate for that inefficiency. When you listen for both layers, you can position your solution in a way that solves the business problem AND makes that individual's life better. That's what wins B2B deals.
B2B sales cycles are long—weeks, months, sometimes a full year. That means you need long-cycle relationship listening. You need to remember what someone said three meetings ago and connect it to what they're saying today. Take notes after every call. Reference previous conversations. When a prospect realizes you've been paying attention for months, not just during this one call, the trust compounds in ways that no pitch ever could.
Before you move on, let's make sure the key concepts really clicked. Answer all questions correctly to unlock the next lesson.
1. What is the main difference between hearing and listening in a sales context?
2. In the PAUSE framework, what does the "S" stand for?
3. A prospect says, "Your competitor offered us 30% less." You feel a flash of irritation. According to the listening traps, what should you do?
4. In the "Silent 30" exercise, what typically happens when you wait 30 seconds before responding?
5. Why does Katherine say women already have a natural advantage in active listening?
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Next: Empathy →